Mental Health in Motherhood: Navigating the Rollercoaster

Mumma, are you ok?

It’s R U Ok day, and I just wanted to check in.

In the throes of motherhood and struggling with anxiety, these words hit me like a tidal wave. Maybe you’re the same? Keeping good mental health in motherhood can be so hard! I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was a teenager. Over that time, it’s hit me in waves. For most of the time, I was ok and managed things just fine, but after I had my first baby. Anxiety hit me hard. Over time I felt a lot better. And then I had my second baby and anxiety hit me even harder. That time of my life was the worst I’ve ever felt. I constantly felt like I was just hanging on the edge about to fall off and I desperately wanted someone to help me. That was literally a thought going through my head over and over “help me, I need someone to help me”. I didn’t really know what I wanted them to help me with, I just knew I couldn’t go on feeling this awful – terrified all the time, completely overwhelmed and spending a lot of time yelling at my kids. But getting help just seemed so hard with 2 kids under 4. The thought of trying to manage making a phone call (hard for me at the best of times), book an appointment and organise someone to look after the kids was all too hard.

Then one day I came across a Facebook post from perinatal mental health psychologist, Amanda Connell of Spilt Milk Psychology, that said “One question I commonly get asked is: “can I bring my baby with me to my appointment?” Um…. Hell yes! If I’m not baby-friendly, I’m not mother friendly so OF COURSE you can bring your baby!” It was a freaking game changer for me. I’d go as far to say it saved me. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the support I’ve received from Amanda over the years. I tell you all this in hopes that if right now you’re feeling like I was back then, you’ll realise that there’s help out there and it doesn’t have to be this way.

 

So, for today’s blog post, I’m diving into the world of motherhood and mental health, shedding light on the challenges, offering support, and emphasizing the importance of self-care. In this post, I’ll cover how normal it is to feel overwhelmed as a new mum, recognising signs of postpartum anxiety and depression, balancing motherhood with self-care, where to find help, and addressing the concerns about anxiety or antidepressant medication while breastfeeding. Plus, we’ll discuss the delicate but vital task of opening to your partner about your mental health journey.

 

Motherhood: A Beautiful Challenge

Motherhood is beautiful, but it can also be incredibly challenging, especially when it comes to mental health. The pressure to be a perfect mum, the sleepless nights, and the sudden shift in your daily routine can lead to feelings of stress, worry, anxiety, or even anger. The truth is, it’s entirely normal to have these emotions as you embark on this new chapter. For many of us who really haven’t learned to manage our own emotions, parenthood and having such a huge mental load can be extremely triggering. There can be a lot of guilt and shame around the negative feelings you’re having. That doesn’t make you a bad mum. You can have negative feelings and still love your child. It’s just a sign that the balance of all the things isn’t right. And there are things you can do about that!

Recognising Postpartum Anxiety and Depression

While overwhelm and some anxiety when you become a mum can be normal, sometimes what you’re feeling may go beyond the usual new mum jitters. Postpartum anxiety and depression, or postnatal anxiety and depression, can creep in and make things even more challenging. It’s crucial to recognise the signs: 

• Persistent sadness
• Extreme fatigue
• Changes in appetite
• Difficulty sleeping, even when the baby is asleep
• Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
• Difficulty bonding with your baby 

If you’ve been experiencing any of these for more than two weeks, it’s incredibly important to get some support. Chatting about your feelings with your GP or child health nurse is a great place to start. I’ll also link to a few other resources where you can get support a little later.

Is Anxiety or Depression Medication Safe While Breastfeeding?

This is a valid concern, and it’s essential to discuss it with your healthcare provider. There are many safe anxiety and depression medications that are safe while breastfeeding, though there are some that are not. If medication is needed, make sure you tell your doctor that you’re breastfeeding and ask them for a medication that’s breastfeeding safe. There are a lot of options. If you’re feeling pressured by your doctor to stop breastfeeding so that you can take medication, you might like to get a second opinion.

How Do I Open Up to My Partner About My Mental Health?

It’s natural to be apprehensive about discussing your mental health with your partner, but remember, they are your partner for a reason—they care about you and your well-being. Start by finding a comfortable and private moment to have an open conversation. Share your feelings and let them know what they can do to support you. Remember, you’re in this together.

 

Balancing Motherhood with Self-Care

One question you might be asking yourself is: “How can I balance motherhood with self-care?” Well, here’s the secret: taking care of yourself is an integral part of being a great mum. When you’re emotionally and mentally healthy, you can give your best to your little one. Here are some self-care tips for mums:

1. Take Short Breaks

Even a 15-minute breather can do wonders. Use this time to meditate, read, or simply close your eyes and relax (make sure you don’t do anything you could do with bub with you! The washing can wait!)

2. Ask for Help

Don’t be afraid to lean on your support system. Friends, family, and your partner can all lend a hand. Ask your partner or a trusted friend or family member to come play with bub for a short time while you do something for you. You might be surprised how little time you need to feel refreshed, though I know this isn’t always the case.

3. Prioritise Sleep

Sleep deprivation can exacerbate anxiety and depression. Rest when you can, even if you’re not asleep. When bub’s asleep, rest! Don’t do anything in this time that you could do with bub awake. As tempting as it is to stay up hours after bub has gone down for the night so you can get some alone time or quality time with your partner, try and go to bed early so that you can squeeze in some extra sleep. Your body will thank you in the morning.

4. Exercise

Physical activity releases endorphins, which can help boost your mood. Even a short walk can make a difference. I know it can feel like you can’t possibly have the energy for this when you’re not feeling in a great place, but there’s so much research showing how even 10 minutes of exercise (it doesn’t have to be super intense) can make a difference to your mental health.

5. Seek Professional Help

There’s a lot less negativity about this than there has been in the past, but there is still some stigma to it. Don’t be afraid of this! Working with a psychologist or other mental health practitioner can be incredibly beneficial. They can provide strategies to manage anxiety and depression effectively so you can enjoy this special time with your baby.

Where Can I Go for Help?

Opening up about your feelings and seeking help is a courageous step. You can start by talking to your GP or child health nurse. They can guide you to the appropriate resources and professionals. These organisations have some really helpful resources too:

 

PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia)

PANDA National Helpline: 1300 726 306

 

COPE (Centre of Perinatal Excellence) 

 

 Beyond Blue – Healthy Families

Online chat

24/7 Helpline: 1300 22 4636

 

For When

National Helpline 1300 24 23 22 

 

Mumma, please remember that you’re not alone in this journey. Your mental health matters, and there’s help available. By taking care of yourself, you’re taking care of your little one too. Motherhood can be challenging, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. Embrace the journey, lean on your support system, and never hesitate to seek the help you deserve. You’ve got this!

 

If you’ve experienced feelings like this since you’ve been pregnant or had your baby, what helped you? Send me a DM on Instagram and let me know. I’d love to share your tips (anonymously) with other mums.